Welcome back to our series on Finding and Keeping TRUE Confidence. I am SO glad you are here! If you are new around here, click on the highlighted links to get caught up.
So, how do we move from “Cosmo-confidence” and insecurity to TRUE confidence?
Let me start by asking you a random question…
Have you ever heard the phrase, “you can’t keep birds from flying over your head, but you CAN keep them from making a nest in your hair“?
Well, let’s just call our thoughts and feelings of insecurity “birds flying overhead”. Don’t worry if they fly through your mind, just refuse to let them make a nest in your hair.
I’ve come to find that this process looks something like this:
1- RECOGNIZE the birds flying….identify your feelings of insecurity.
Insecurity can look like a lot of things. This could be the moments we notice another woman’s wardrobe, body, style, personality…and then immediately sense rumbles of insecurity in the pit of our stomachs. It could even happen during a conversation with a good friend and a touchy topic comes up that stirs up a defensive reaction. Yep- those are ugly birds, and they must be addressed, or they will stick around a build a smelly nest.
If I’m feeling insecure but not sure why, I often journal my feelings in a letter form to God in order to get to the root of what I am experiencing in my emotions. But hear this: don’t get bogged down in “naval gazing” or go looking for “birds”, just pray for discernment and trust the Holy Spirit to bring light to the shadowy and insecure places of your heart. Examen prayer is helpful for this.
2- RESIST the “nest” in your hair.
Do you ever feel entitled to an unhealthy emotion? Maybe you see someone who seems to be doing really well, and you sit for a bit and stew over the tiniest details you can find about them that may not be perfect? Yeah- well, that’s a nest forming in your hair. Been there, done that and nothing good comes from it. RESIST IT. Or maybe you are offended by a friend’s comment that made you feel insignificant? Yep- another nest of insecurity that just gets uglier with time. Even thought it feels “right” to hold a grudge, RESIST IT- it’s based in insecurity and it’s NOT GOOD. If we want TRUE confidence, WE MUST…take our thoughts of insecurity captive. Once we realize a thought of insecurity, CHOOSE to shut that thought down. Shut.it.down.sister. (Lara writes beautifully on this topic of taking thoughts captive on her blog……and her book, “To Walk or Stay” addresses it on an even more personal level. To read my review of her book click here.)
3- REPLACE those thoughts with Truth.
But we can’t just “stop thinking bad thoughts”. We have to intentionally insert truth where there was insecurity. The Bible tells us to think on what is good, true, right, pure, noble, admirable, lovely (Philippians 4:8). When we feel insecure about not getting the approval from people whose acceptance we crave, instead of letting that insecurity grow, we can go straight to God and ask for His view on the situation.
Begin by coming honestly to God in prayer, and search the index of your Bible to find a verse that speaks to your issue…on fear, on worry, on envy, on bitterness, on your value, on God’s faithfulness, etc. Make the conscious decision to replace your insecurity with God’s truth.
4-RECITE Truth until it becomes your belief system.
We’ve been conditioned towards insecure living by parts of the media, that we need to daily “brainwash” ourselves with truth.
Right now, I have scriptures posted in my bathroom that remind me of how God sees me, and of my calling to proclaim good news without fear (fear has been a big source of insecurity I’m still in the process of overcoming). As I brush my teeth and wash my face, I am also washing my mind with truth. My mind is becoming more and more like that of Christ’s, and less and less like a bird’s nest.
Acknowledging the reality that our words have power, I literally SPEAK those words of truth to myself as much as possible, so that my old patterns of insecurity are replaced with a new way of thinking and relating to people that is based on Truth. Speaking the truth is a key to transforming the way we think and see ourselves and the world around us. And as we are transformed, we will be agents of transformation.
Thank you so much for walking with me through this journey to TRUE confidence. (and thank you for letting me get into “teacher mode” on this post.) As I’ve been sharing with you on my blog, I have also DAILY encountered this issue being worked into my real life. It’s painful, and sometimes messy to face our insecurities, but SO GOOD to get free.
Insecurity of all kinds is rampant and it is real, but it doesn’t have to have a strong hold on our lives. God’s good heart is for us to be grounded and walking with assurance and peace IN HIM. In HIM we are held up and held together. HE is our STRONG-HOLD, and He’s strong enough to heal us to the very core of our hurts and insecurities.
Bless you, friend. More coming on Friday; shorter, and right to the heart of the matter.