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Consistent conversation.  Consistent sex.  Both indicate health in our marriage.  Both bring an incredible amount of connection.  Both take intentional work.

(I’m doing some research on the sex topic, so more on that later.)  For now, I want to touch on the theme of developing deep, mutually inspiring conversations that lead to an even deeper marriage connection.

madewithover-19

Life has been busy lately.  In the midst of writing deadlines, work travel, birthday parties, kindergarten gatherings, school volunteer hours and MOPS meetings, we’ve been running around, non.stop.

It’s ridiculously easy for life to get out of balance during seasons like this.  But unlike the time when life got busy and we got disconnected, we are finding that our connection is remaining stronger than ever.

On a recent coffee date, we asked each other what we’ve done to maintain great conversations, despite our busy season of life?

As we talked, these things came up:

1. Have hobbies outside of each other:

We both enjoy our own passions and hobbies, and we both know what each others passions are.  Having these individual hobbies and pursuing them gives us great content for conversation when we’re together.

  • I love to learn about blogging, theology, writing, the poor and culture.
  • He loves to learn about politics, government, finances, justice issues and current events.

Because I know he loves politics, I’ll ask him what he’s been thinking about lately with regards to a political issue or current event.  Because he knows I love writing, he’ll ask me how my writing projects are going.  This helps us both grow as individuals, while at the same time, adding to the flavor our marriage.

2.  Consistent time together makes consistent space for connection:

Our reserved time to connect every night from 8-9pm is a must.  Whether we talk a lot during this time or not, it doesn’t matter.  It’s about having a consistent touch-point of time everyday that builds a connection so that when we have ideas or thoughts to share, there is space reserved.

3.  Meet non-conversational needs:

We meet one another’s needs in other areas that just conversation…our needs for affection, intimacy, respect, quality time, affirmation, etc.  As we both focus on serving each other with humble love, we both enjoy living with “full love tanks”.  As a result, conversation tends to flow naturally.  These 10 questions have really helped us with meeting each other’s needs.

4. Be a safe place:

We make conversation a safe place.  It’s a place where we try not to interrupt each other, or downplay each other’s thoughts.  When he talks I try to really listen and appreciate his view.  And when I talk, he is careful to listen and hear my heart, rather than cut me off with a quick solution.

What’s more important than the content or the place or the timing of our conversations, is that with every passing year, we grow in our trust, enjoyment and respect for each other.  What a sacred honor, to have someone you love open up in conversation.  We try to treat it like that.

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