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I recently heard a friend honestly share this with me: “My life is so “g-rated” with mothering young kids, that it’s hard for me to switch gears and be a great lover to my husband.”

I totally get it.


In fact, I often tell my husband that “switching gears” from my mommy role to my wife role at the end of a long and exhausting day is one of the hardest tasks at hand.  

After we finally get the kids in bed, and are able to focus on each other, it feels like I need a magical super-power that lets me spin around really fast, transforming me from a sweat-pants, grungy pony-tail wearing, car-pool driving mommy to an energetic, fun, flirty seductress.

It feels like a near-impossible task, and that instead of Francie, my name needs to be “super-woman”.

This “switching gears” process is much easier said than done.

But I’m learning that switching gears and being able to not only engage in, but enjoy intimacy with our husbands is a largely a mind-game and can be much easier with a few practical steps.  I talked about the “mind game” here.

As for practical tips….

Collect these items to help you switch gears:

1. Candle

2. Body powder (a special scent that you use only for him)

3. Wipes (for a quick freshen-up)

4. Cute/fun/relaxed/sexy outfit … whatever gets you in the mood and feeling confident.

5. A dash of mascara and blush

6. Mouthwash

And take these simple steps: 

When the kids are tucked in, and he gives you that look…

  • Tell your guy that you are ready to enjoy a night with him- after you’ve had a few minutes to “freshen up”.  Then give him a wink of confidence.  (Even when you’re not sure it’s even possible.)
  • As soon as you walk into your bedroom, shift the mood by dimming the lights and lighting a candle.  (This also helps hide the piles of laundry that are an easy distraction and mood killer).
  • Toss your “kid-friendly” clothes into the dirty pile.  Do a quick “freshen up” with your wipes and powder and find an outfit that makes you feel confident and sexy.
  • Put on a bit of mascara and blush, brush your hair and swish some mouthwash, and take a deep breath.
  • The final key to “switching gears” is to pray.  Sounds crazy to combine your prayer time and “foreplay”, but trust me.  God is into it.  Ask God to bless your time, to give you energy and grace to love your guy well, and to make it a time of mutual enjoyment, physically, spiritually and emotionally.

Voila!  Now you’re set for a miraculous transformation that will convince your husband that you are indeed super-woman.

Secrets for switching gears: from tired mom to hot wife –> tweet this!

What are your “secrets for switching gears”?