I’ve asked Wyatt many times what he wanted for a gift. For Christmas, Valentines, Birthday…you know the drill.
But everytime, he says the same thing.
He just wants me.
At first, I hear him and think “oh, how sweet”.
It sounds like I get off the hook of having to wander the aisles of Best Buy looking for a new gadget that he’ll like and we don’t need.
But I think he’s actually onto something. And I think he’s genuine in his request.
Something happens when we become moms, or take off in our careers, or maybe when we just “settle into marriage”. We get busy, and tired, and divided. And that’s ok, to a degree. We’re only human, and mostly, it’s a “season of life” sort of tired.
But to the degree that it degrades our marriage connection, it must be addressed.
What he’s saying is that he wants me. Me. Obtainable me. Willing me. Accessible me. Not me when I’m too distracted to focus. Or me when I’m frazzled with my to-do list. Or me when I’m worried about what other people are thinking. Or me when I’m unavailable due to unnecessary stress.
He is not asking for “perfect me”, just me. The me he fell in love with and married. The me he enjoys and and the me that enjoys him. The me that adored “dating him” years ago, and said “I do” want to date him forever.
Truthfully, giving this gift is more challenging than a Best Buy gadget.
Dating my husband requires me to be present, available, obtainable. (click to tweet)
Dating him is being up for a movie night (most likely in our house a Bourne Identity movie of some sort) or some other “playmate” activity like going to the gym or heading to a hiking trail. It’s being willing to try something new together. It’s being accessible and available to listen when those rare windows of his conversational capacity open up and he needs to process life.
It’s being present and ready to encourage him, rather than criticize him. Allowing him to flirt without shutting him down. Ready to offer love in the ways that I know fill him up.
As unromantic as it sounds, availability, accessibility and being “present” are choices, and also precious gifts that will win his heart again and again.
Giving him the “gift of me” is not always easy. (Afterall- it’s not like there aren’t three other needy people in our home vying for my attention, affection and services all day, or anything like that.)
But who said having a great marriage would be easy?
Having a great marriage revolves around the choice to be selfless, to go the route of humble love.
And though working for a great marriage is not easy, it is worth every bit of effort. (click to tweet)
My challenge today:
Find out (in this season) what it looks like for me to give my husband the “gift of me”…to “date” him by being consistently available to him. And then, to follow-through with action.